


The Stars Reflect Our Misery

by UnderUrsa



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Language, M/M, Rating May Change, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-11-08 01:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20826857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnderUrsa/pseuds/UnderUrsa
Summary: The sky was beautiful as she looked up at the stars above her, "I will never know peace, Itachi."





	1. Rebirth

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is basically for me. I hope someone else can get enjoyment from it, but it's mainly for me. I wrote this instead of sleeping, but what else is new. This will be multiple chapters, and I'm hoping to update about every week, but sometimes life will get in the way, I'm sure. That being said, I do already have the next few chapters written out. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Where was she? What happened?

She sat up with a gasp, her eyes wide in the darkness that surrounded her. She was dead. She had died, a sword through her chest and blood in her lungs.

Where was she?

Her body was aching. Wasn't the afterlife supposed to be peaceful? Perfect? Why was she hurting?

Her eyes flashed red as she looked around her. Trees surrounded her on all sides and the dying embers of a fire glowed in front of her. There were more people, lying on sleeping mats spread around the fire, nearer to her than she would have liked. She moved her hand slowly down her leg to her weapons pouch and reached in to grasp a kunai. It at least eased her anxious mind a bit knowing she still had weapons on her person. 

She moved silently into a crouch, looking over to the sleeping mat closest to her on the right. 

No.

No, that couldn't be right, could it?

Her sensei was snoring quietly by her side, her sensei who had died almost a decade ago now. 

Her head whipped to the left, finding one of her teammates sleeping soundly on his own mat and a pair of concerned eyes watching her from the shadows. Maru.

Maru who had died in her arms in the fight against Pein, eyes closed in agony, not able to speak, opening and closing his mouth to try and speak his last words, only for blood to escape. 

"Ayuma?" Maru's quiet voice broke the fragile silence surrounding them, effectively shaking her from her memories, "Are you okay?"

She took a shaky breath, just staring for a moment longer. If this was the afterlife, she was more than okay with that. 

"Maru," her voice shook; she could feel the tears beginning to sting in the corners of her eyes. Fuck. She never thought she would see the man who she considered brother again, "Maru."

"What?" He said quickly, eyes scanning the dark forest around them, afraid he had missed something on his watch. He grabbed a kunai from his own weapons pouch and crouched like she was. 

She dropped her weapon and moved toward him quickly, wrapping him in a tight hug. The tears finally broke free, rolling down her face as she buried it in Maru's shirt. She choked down a sob, trying to press herself closer to the man she hadn't seen in years.

"Hey," Maru said softly, tucking his weapon back into his pouch when he realized there was no immediate threat, and wrapped his arms around her back, "Hey, I know it was a close call on the mission today, but I'm okay, just a couple cuts and bruises, that's all. They'll probably be mostly healed by the time we get back into the village tomorrow." He was speaking softly, trying not to wake the rest of their team.

Mission? What mission was he talking about? 

She pulled back slightly, looking at Maru's face. He was young... too young. The Maru before her was a boy, not the young man she had known as he died. 

"What..." She trailed off, not knowing how to continue, "Where are we right now?" She asked quietly, once again looking around. It wasn't anywhere that she was intimately familiar with. 

Maru frowned, once again looking concerned, "What do you mean? We're on our way back to Konoha from the mission in Kiri, don't you remember?" He raised a hand and started to card it carefully through her hair, looking for blood or bumps.

"No, no, I..." She trailed off again, not even sure what to say. What could she say? She didn't even know what was going on herself, though she did vaguely remember where she was now, a memory from what semed like a life time ago, back when she was a genin on her first B-rank mission with her team. Was this her afterlife or something different? Maybe a figment of her imagination in her final moments? If this was supposed to be good, a good afterlife, or even if it was her own mind, she wanted to see her brothers again. It had been so long since she had seen the most important people in her life. 

The last time she had seen Itachi... Well, his fight with Sasuke hadn't ended well in his favor, or in either of their favors, but Sasuke did end up the winner. If one could even call him that. She had cried so much when she finally caught up to them. Even after Sasuke had killed Itachi, he was still so filled with rage, especially after they had found out that the murder of their clan had been a planned attack from Konohagakure. To say that her life went to shit was an understatement. 

"Ayuma?" Maru said quietly, looking more concerned now than before. She had apparently been quiet for too long as to draw suspicion again. He brought a hand to her face and slowly lifted it up to meet her eyes with his own. 

"What the fuck?" He whispered shakily, "What the fuck happened to your eyes?"

Shit. She brought a hand up to her face, tracing the slightly tacky line of drying blood beneath her eyes. She still had her mangekyo? 

"Something did happen didn't it?" He asked almost desperately, "Why didn't you tell anyone you were hurt?" 

Ayuma covered her eyes out of reflex even though logically she knew it would do no good. Maru had already seen the atrocity that was her face.

Why was she the only one that seemed to know she was dead?

"Sensei!" Shit, now Maru was yelling.

"No, no, no," she whispered quickly, begging Maru to not wake anyone else up. It was so confusing. Everything was happening so quickly, flashes of the past mixing with the present over and over again. She didn't know what to do with all of the information. She was getting a headache. She wanted to throw up and run away. Death was supposed to be peaceful. She was looking forward to finally being at peace, finally not having to worry and fight and fear.

She could hear Sensei moving behind her, pushing up from his sleeping mat much too quickly for a man that had just been asleep mere moments ago. 

"What?" She heard him say, his voice perfectly clear of all grogginess. Had he been listening to their conversation?

"Ayuma was hurt during the mission and she didn't tell anyone!" Ayuma could now hear Akio stirring to her left, always the heavy sleeper between all of them.

She stood up quickly from where she had been kneeling in front of Maru, still pressing a hand over her eyes where blood was dripping from. 

"Ayuma," Sensei said softly, stepping towards her with a hand out, "Ayuma, you need to let me take a look at it." It felt to her that he was approaching her like a skittish animal. Maybe he was.

Ayuma stilled and clenched her eyes shut, more blood squeezing out from between her lashes, and willed her Mangekyo to deactivate. She didn't even know she had activated it in the first place. She had grown so used to the ache during the war that she hadn't even noticed that her eyes were bleeding until Maru pointed it out. Fuck, what was happening? Why was everyone acting like everything was normal?

She startled as a hand was gently placed on her shoulder, "Ayuma," Sensei said again, and slowly she turned her face to him, releasing the death grip her hands had over her eye sockets. He immediately took in the smeared blood around her now dark eyes and took to looking for where it was coming from. When he found no immediate damage, he looked back into her eyes questioningly. 

"There's nothing to heal, Sensei," Ayuma mumbled quietly, closing her eyes as he gently prodded around them with careful fingers.

"But you're bleeding!" Maru protested.

Ayuma slowly opened her eyes again, regular black reflecting what little light the moon provided through the covering of trees. 

"Ayuma?" Sensei questioned. 

"It happens," she shrugged, "with the sharingan. When it advances past a certain stage the eyes bleed. It's not a big deal, Sensei. Like I said, there's nothing to heal, just the drawbacks of having eyes like mine."

Sensei frowned but lowered his hands from her face, "We'll keep an eye on it, okay? I don't like that this just appeared out of nowhere, and even if it is to do with your sharingan, it is quite sudden. I would like you to go see one of hte medics when we get back to the village, just to hear what they have to say and to get a second opinion."

Ayuma paused before nodding. She wouldn't, but if saying she would would make them all worry less, she would tell them what they wanted to hear. 

"Alright, everyone," Sensei announced, stepping back from her, "let's get some sleep, we have an early morning and we don't have long until we need to leave again. Dawn will be here in a few hours, so get what rest you can," he glanced toward Maru who was still shaken up, "I'll take watch for the rest of the night and wake everyone up when it's time to leave. Try and sleep." He moved past both of them and leaned up against the tree where Maru once resided, ruffling both of their hair as he did. 

Maru nodded quietly, putting up no protest, before moving to his mat and dragging it so it can lay next to hers so his back would be to the embers of their fire. She must have scared him more than she realized. She frowned to herself and moved to lay down on her mat, only to be stopped by Maru. 

"Sorry, I just..." he held out a rag in her direction, "could you clean the blood off?"

Ayuma nodded mutely, taking the rag and wiping her eyes hastily before handing it back. 

"Sorry for worrying you," she said quietly as she laid back down on her mat. He laid down beside her, facing her and staring. 

"It's okay, you just scared me. I've never seen you cry before, so that freaked me out a little, and then I saw the blood... I thought you'd gotten really hurt earlier and didn't tell anyone."

"It's okay, Maru, I would have done the same if it had been you, but I promise I'm okay. It's just my sharingan."

Maru nodded quietly, pursing his lips before speaking again, "Just- just let me know next time if there's anything else like that with those eyes of yours."

Ayame nodded, letting her eyes slip closed as she felt Maru reach out and take her hand. 

She hoped to any god that would listen that this wasn't just a dream. She wanted to much for this to be real. Even if this wasn't what she thought the afterlife would be like, it was more than enough.


	2. Revival

Ayuma woke with a start when a hand shook her shoulder gently, her eyes snapping open and her sharingan spinning to life in reflex. When she saw that it was just her sensei, a worried look on his face as he stared down at her, she lets the genjutsu fade. So last night hadn't just been a dream.

"It's time to head back to the village. Are you okay to travel?"

"Yes, Sensei," she said with a small roll of her eyes as she sat up from her prone position, "I told you it's not a big deal, a lot of Uchiha deal with it as shinobi."

"That may be, but I have never seen the Uchiha's eyes bleed like yours did last night. I'm just worried about your wellbeing, Ayuma. If it is something more serious, we need to get it taken care of."

Nodding slowly, she stood up, her mind wandering as she packed up her things to travel the rest of the way to the village. Ayuma knew that there was nothing anyone could do for her aside from getting her another set of eyes entirely, and she wasn't about to take some poor soul's eyes just to save herself a little bit of pain and her sight in the long run. It wasn't worth it. 

\-----

They made it back to the village by mid-afternoon, the sun shining down harshly on their backs as they left the cover of the trees. 

Home.

Ayuma hadn't seen the village like this in so long. It was jarring to see it so lively all of the sudden after years of living there with constantly on edge shinobi and always fearful citizens. Everyone had lost so much, so many people had died, it left everyone casting weary glances over their shoulders every few moments, always looking for the next threat, always looking to see what would kill more of them off next. 

Sensei puts his hand on her shoulder and she turned to look at him quickly, "I'm going to inform the Hokage of our mission success, you're going to see a medic, correct?" He leveled her with a sharp look that left no room for argument and she nodded hastily, just wanting to get her Sensei off her back about the issue. 

"Good," he nodded with a small smile before turning to the rest of his team and addressing them, "So, I want everyone to head homeand get some sleep, we'll be training two mornings from now, so that should give everyone enough time to heal and rest up before we have another mission assigned to us."

They all nodded as he ruffled their hair and jumped off in the direction of the Hokage Tower. Maru turned to ger and quickly pulled her into a hug, "Tell me what the medic says when you get checked out, okay? You had me really worried."

"Of course," she nodded with a small smile, "but I promise you I'm fine, Maru, but I'll be sure to let you know what they say."

Maru nodded again, satisfied with the answer, before turning away with Akio, who waved goodbye, and headed towards their homes, chatting together as they walked. 

Everything was so similar to the past. Obviously there were differences, like her having the mangekyo and worrying her team and sensei by bleeding from her eyes. But right now, she had more important things to do than worry about how scarily similar things were to her past. She had her brothers to see.

Ayuma let her teammates leave her line of sight before she bounded up onto the rooftops and started to make her way towards the Uchiha compound.

She stopped dead in her tracks when she got to the entrance of her compound. How could she have forgotten how lively it used to be here? There were clanmates wandering the streets, buying goods, talking to each other, _smiling_. She felt tears stinging at the edge of her eyes once again, blurring the scene around her for a moment. How could she have forgotten what her clan was like before the massacre? How could she have forgotten how much she missed this? Taking a shaky breath, she shook her head quickly, wiping away the tears as she started to hurriedly make her way to her family's house. 

When she finally saw her house, now in pristine condition, with gardens blooming, no dust or rot in sight, she broke into a run, not able to hold herself back any longer. 

Please, please, please let them be there. Please let her brothers be home. She had to see them. It had been so long since she had seen either of them. Fighting and dying on the front lines didn't exactly give much time to mourn a dead brother or search for a missing one. 

She burst in through the doors and looked around. With no one in sight, she opened her mouth and yelled out, "Itachi? Sasuke?" She immediately heard footsteps and almost cried in relief. When Itachi rounded the corner, she let out a small sound, almost like a sob.

"Imoto? What's going on?" Her older brother said with a concerned look on his face.

Ayuma's sharingan hadn't let her forget Itachi's face, however, it was still different to see him standing right in front of her, _alive_.

Rushing forward, she grabbed one of the most important people to her into a tight hug. The tears she had been holding back since the entrance of the compound finally broke free and spilled over, but she tried to keet herself quiet, not wanting to worry Itachi more than she already had. 

She felt his arms wrap tightly around her shaking shoulders. She had always felt protected in his embrace, however, now, after years on her own with no one to hold her like this... It was different. It meant more than it ever had to her. It felt like he would do anything and everything in his power to keep his precious people safe, to keep her safe. She let out a sound then, almost a wail, only muffled by the cloth on his shoulder. Her brother's arms got impossibly tighter as he drew her further into the house, away from whatever danger may be lying in wait outside their doors. 

"What has happened, Ayuma?" Itachi asked in a quiet, serious voice. He pushed her back slightly to look into her eyes but still kepts his arms around her. 

Should she tell him? Should she show him her eyes? She paused before taking a deep breath. If she couldn't trust him, who could she trust?

Ayuma slowly lifted her eyes to meet his, letting her sharingan spin to life before morphing it to her mangekyo. 

Itachi's eyebrows furrowed before a frown overtook his face, his eyes narrowing. 

"Who died?" Came his steely words as his own sharingan came to life to look more closely at her eyes. He took her face gently in his hands and tilted it up to so could get a better look.

A small, pained smile came across her face as she looked at her older brother, "Everyone," her voice came out more quietly than intended, her heartbreak over losing all those she held dear was obvious in her voice.

Her brother let out a breath, "Everyone? What do you mean, Ayuma? Your whole team was killed?"

"No, nii-san, everyone. You, my team, Mom, Dad, me. Everyone I knew died. Some by my hand." She didn't want to remember, she really, truly didn't. Her hands were dripping in blood, some of it innocent, some of it justified. That was war. Even if this was some sort of second chance, a place where she could try and change everything that went horribly, horribly wrong the first time and not the afterlife like she had originally thought, she would never be the same. Her innocence had long since drowned in the horrors of war, buried beneath the bodies of those she had helped to kill. She would never be the same no matter how much time she had to try and repent for her sins. 

"Ayuma, I'm not sure I understand what you mean," her brother spoke slowly, lifting a thumb to wipe away the tears beneath her eyes. He was speaking as if he were comforting a scared and startled animal. To be fair, she probably looked like one and sounded out of her mind. However, Itachi was smart. He was the prodigy of their clan and he knew that the mangekyo sharingan did not just show up on its own. There was always a cause. 

"I died, brother. I had a sword plunged into my chest and was left to die on the battle field. Maru was killed years before that. You died next to Sasuke," she wasn't too sure how much she should reveal about their potential futures, so she intentionally left the story vague. If Itachi hadn't been contacted by Danzo yet, maybe she could stop the whole massacre from even happening in the first place. "Sensei died protecting my team from a team of enemy-nin and we had to make it back to the village with some of them still following us. They killed Akio before Maru or I could stop them. I've lived through so much, Itachi. It was a relief to die even if I left a few people behind. Naruto never did know how to give up..." She trailed off, moving closer to her brother again and resting her head against his shoulder. 

"I don't know what happened, nii-san. I just woke up in my younger body with memories of war and death and pain. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix things, or if I even can. I don't know if this is a dream or reality or some fucked up fusion of the two. I don't know."

Itachi hugged her close again, not sure what to make of the situation. His sister suddenly comes stumbling in the door, screaming for her two brothers with the mangekyo sharingan. He didn't know what exactly had happened on her mission, or if what she was saying was absolutely true, but he did know that it did hold some weight. She had the mangekyo, something he only obtained after Shisui. If what she was saying really was true and she really had been through all that...

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, pulling her close. That feeling of safety and security blanketed her again, making her relax unknowingly. It was strange to feel this safe again after so long of constantly being threatened with death and surrounded by misery. Maybe it was because she had already died. She knew death personally now, so what was left to fear? Or maybe it was because Itachi was the strongest person she knew. Either way, she knew deep in her bones that she was safe.

"I'm back now," was all she replied with. She didn't want pity, she just wanted to have her family back and maybe sorrect some mistakes that she made along the way last time. 

She swore to herself then and there, standing wrapped in her older brother's arms with a tiny Sasuke running up to them and asking what had happened, that she would try to fix things here, that she wouldn't let the world end to the best of her ability. She would protect her precious people this time.


	3. Redemption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got really excited and went ahead and typed this one up too...
> 
> This chapter does include descriptions of a panic attack, so if you think that will bother you, probably best to skip over this one!

It was strange to be back, surreal almost. It felt like a dream, maybe a nightmare if she thought about it too hard. She tried not to.

Her parents acted like nothing was wrong, not that anything should be different in their eyes, but it was still off putting. Ayuma knew that the coup was in the works and yet if she didn't know any better, she wouldn't suspect a thing. She didn't the first time around.

After a little thought, she decided that that's where she would start. She would stop the massacre of her clan without death. How, she wasn't exactly sure just yet, she was still a child in this world, even though she had the mind of an adult (even the skills to some extent, though maybe her chakra control could use some work) she was still a genin and would be treated as such. She would have to find someone to help her. Maybe Itachi. Maybe. She would have to do some planning first, and then maybe she could ask for his help. 

They had decided not to tell Sasuke for a couple different reasons. First was that he was still a child, he was still so young, second was that Ayuma really wanted Sasuke to have a normal childhood this time around. Last time, his childhood had been ripped out from under him by their entire clan being murdered in front of him by his older brother. He was consumed by the idea of revenge that Itachi had placed in his head. Ayuma was going to make sure that her little brother grew up as normally as he could, playing with friends, getting dirty, getting scraped up after running from his cousins as they played. She was going to make sure that everything turned out better this time around even if it killed her. Again.

Conversation with her parents was held in a stilted manner. She wasn't sure how to talk to them anymore, not that they were great conversationalists to begin with, but even as they asked her about her mission, she answered vaguely. She barely remembered the details of the mission anyway since it had been so long ago. She was lucky that she hadn't woke up in the middle of a battle. She wasn't sure what would have happened in that situation.

Ayuma knew that she was stronger than she would have been the first time at this age. She could feel the chakra better than she remembered at this age. She would need to go and train soon so that she could gauge where she was now. Ayuma knew that she would need to work on some of the skills that had been second nature to her as an adult. This body still felt foreign to herm she was used to being taller, having more muscle, and being more in control of her own body. It would be a little bit before she was comfortable in her own skin again. 

Itachi put a hand on her head, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked down at her. She had been lost in the jumble of her thoughts for too long apparently. Has she missed a question?

"Sorry," she mumbled, looking down at her barely touched food, "I'm just tired from the mission. May I be excused?" She stood up without waiting for an answer, taking her dishes with her as she walked into the kitchen. 

A problem that she hadn't considered before running back into a life that wasn't really hers was what it would mean for her. It was hard to be in her old family home, facing those across the table that she had once seen lying in a pool of their own blood. How was she even supposed to deal with that? 

She placed her dishes in the sink before leaning heavily on the counter and letting out a shaky breath. She heard the conversation in the other room slowly pick up again as the world around her darkened. Why were her hands red?

Ayuma backed away from the counter, her shaking hands held out in front of her. She hadn't killed since she had come back. Had she? She looked around the dark kitchen and saw blood leaking from under the doorway leading to the kitchen. The talking had stopped. Had she killed them without even knowing it? Had she been too late? Had Danzo convinced Itachi that he should kill the clan before she had been able to stop him? The world was spinning around her.

Her foot slipped as she stumbled back from the counter, her back making a solid thump against the rough wall behind her before she slid the the ground. Her eyes stayed fixed on the pool of blood that was seeping ever steadily closer to her by the second, but she couldn't seem to make herself move, she was frozen. Her breaths came quicker and quicker and she could feel her heart against her ribs. She was terrified. 

A shadow fell over her as she continued to struggle for breath. A hand entered her field of vision before coming to rest softly on her shoulder. She couldn't look away from the blood. She heard someone talking to her, but she didn't have the presence of mind to try and make out the words, no matter how soothing the voice sounded.

Arms wrapped snugly around her and lifted her up, breaking her line of sight with the blood that was inches from reaching her. She felt the cool air of the night wash over her face. It was so different from the stuffy, almost oppressive air in her family home, that it helped to further break her from her panic. For the first time in what felt like hours, she was able to drag in a decent breath. 

Ayuma pried her eyes open- when had she shut them?- and found herself staring up into the worried eyes of her older brother as he moved them from rooftop to rooftop across the village towards she didn't know where.

"Nii-san," she managed to get out, pulling in another good breath and letting it out shakily before continuing, "Nii-san, where are we going?" She wrapped a hand up tightly in the front of his shirt as a way to keep herself grounded. She couldn't let herself fall back into the chasm her mind had become again.

"I didn't know what set off your panic attack, so I thought it best to get you out of the environment entirely," she felt him start to slow his pace.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, embarrassed that Itachi had even found her in such a vulnerable and weak state to begin with. 

Itachi's eyes hardened, "There is no reason to apologize, Imouto. You fought in a war and are now residing in a place where you are not constantly under threat of fighting for your life. It is common for the brain to try and work through trauma when it no longer has to deal with the constant stresses that were previously placed upon it. Do not apologize for something that is out of your control."

She nodded numbly, not sure what else to say to her brother. She wasn't surprised when he finally came to a stop on a flatter, secluded roof and placed her gently down before moving to sit across from her so he could meet her eyes. 

"What happened, Ayuma?" he asked gently. She wasn;t used to this side of her brother, he had always been the stern older brother figure to her and Sasuke, keeping them in line and out of trouble when their parents weren't around.

Ayuma looked down at her crossed legs and laced her fingers together in her lap, "I am... very much not used to domestic life. I am used to fighting, protecting my precious people from the constant threats in the world that I come from. I am used to loss, I have had to come to terms with the loss of my friends and family. And now you are all here before me again. You are no longer dead, you are no longer suffering, you are right here. I have mourned you, I have cried over your corpses and now you are here, asking what is wrong like I haven't been thrown into a life that I have long since lost. All I have known for years is war. I am a ninja. My hands are soaked in blood. I have killed hundreds and I will forever remember each and every one of them," she let her sharingan spin to life, the curse of the Uchiha. For as much as her clan heralded it as a blessing, she knew better, she had seen too much, done too much to view her blood red eyes as anything more than the absolute curse it was. 

The sky was beautiful as she looked up at the stars above her, "I will never know peace, Itachi."


	4. Relearn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lil Peep - Broken Smile (My All) is what I was listening to when I wrote this if you want to listen to it as well.

As much as Itachi had tried to convince her that she could, in fact, find peace and happiness, she wasn't sure. After all that had happened, she was hesitant to get close to anyone again. What if it all ended up the same as last time? What if she couldn't change anything and everyone around her was once again killed off? 

She had to change things. She wouldn't make it living through all the pain she had endured again. But she was stronger this time. She could help now. She had knowledge of the future that she could and would use. 

She would deal with the Uchiha massacre first, and then... Well, she would figure it out. But the massacre was what had set many things into motion. She knew that it wasn't the only factor, things, like the Akatsuki, had been brewing even years before she was born. The massacre also destroyed her brothers. So what if she was a little biased? She was an Uchiha. Family came first. 

Ayuma knew that she would need to talk to Itachi and figure out just how far he had been dragged into the mess that Danzo had created. 

She also knew that she would have to find a way to stop the coup. There would need to be a middle ground between the two extremes, she just wasn't sure what exactly that middle ground would be. 

Ayuma would figure it out. She always did. 

\-----

After Ayuma had a fitful night of sleep back in her childhood bed, she asked Itachi to train with her for a few different reasons. First was that she still needed to figure out just where she stood on her skills. She didn't know what she could and couldn't do anymore. She needed to know her limits, just in case she needed to fight to them. She was taking no chances in this world. Second was that it was a way to get him alone with her. She needed to get a grip on the massacre plans before they spiraled out of her control. 

"Don't hold back, Itachi," she said, settling easily in to a loose fighting stance across from her older brother. She paused for a moment before humming in thought and opening her mouth to speak again, "Maybe hold back a little at first, I haven't fought since I've been back in this body, so I don't exactly know how well I will perform under the circumstances." 

Itachi's mouth was set in a hard line as he nodded once. She knew he didn't want to fight his little sister. Ayuma had never been a prodigy like her brother, she had always been a little slower at learning and picking up on information and jutsus. Itachi had always been the prodigy, not her, and he knew that. But she had years of experience that he didn't now. 

"Come on, nii-san, I promise you won't kill me. If you want, we can start off with a light spar and work our way up," Ayuma said as she aimed a grin over at Itachi. 

Her brother huffed out a small laugh before settling in to his own fighting stance, "You're sure about this?"

She nodded, "I'm sure. Don't worry about me, I'll tell you if I need to stop." She took a calming breath and lunged for her brother, kunai held at the ready. 

It was almost too easy to fall back into the mindset of a warrior, to see the man standing in front of her as an enemy and nothing more, not her beloved brother. She didn't want to hurt him, she really didn't, and she luckily still had enough presence of mind to know that this was just to test her skill and not a fight to the death. That being said, she didn't want to hold herself back and not get an accurate representation of how much she had retained from her life as an adult. 

Luckily Itachi seemed to be taking her seriously, so she didn't have to worry too much about overpowering him immediately. 

Their kunai locked together with a sharp screech and she was almost immediately pushed back. Her younger body was much physically weaker than before she died. That was frustrating. She would need to work on that. Well, if she couldn't rely on physical strength as much right now...

Ayuma jumped back and activated her sharing an. She quickly stowed her kunai before quickly forming the hand seals for her katon jutsu. 

Itachi quickly followed suit with one of his own. She cut her fire off, quickly replacing it with a water style jutsu she had learned from Maru much later in life. Steam rose up between them and cover the training field when her water met Itachi's fire. 

Her mangekyo spun to life easily, the ache in her eyes a familiar feeling in the heat of battle. 

She grinned. 

\-----

They end the spar both panting for breath. 

Ayuma had called an end to their fight when she felt her chakra getting to dangerously low levels. She still healed all of the knowledge and skills as before she died, but her body was not as it used to be. She would need to train to make her body like it used to be, but it wasn't as hard as she had first imagined fighting in her child's body. As many disadvantages as there were, there were a few advantages with being this young again. She was quicker than she used to be. It was easier to dodge attacks with her smaller frame. Speed would be her friend until she was able to build her strength back up. 

Ayuma may have pushed herself just a bit too far because the ground was looking much too comfortable. She fell none too gracefully onto her back with a loud groan. This body was not used to fighting for so long or to depleting so much chakra in a single fight. Her entire body would be aching in the morning. 

"Well," Itachi began, settling down next to her with crossed legs, "if I had any doubts before about the truthfulness of your story, there are none now. You are much too skilled for someone your age. If your chakra had not run out I most likely would have folded sooner rather than later."

That startled a laugh out of her, "Don't sell yourself short, nii-san, you've always been the strongest person I've known. You would be able to beat me with your eyes closed."

"Maybe when I am older. Right now we are almost exactly equal in strength. I fear to see the day you gain access to your entire chakra reserves," he said with a small smile. 

She smiled back. She had missed his jokes, "You will outclass everyone as you grow older. If the right things happen," the smile slipped from her face as she turned her head to look at the darkening sky above them, "Tell me, brother... Do you know of a man named Shimura Danzo?"

The look that came over his face was carefully blank, "Why do you ask, Imouto?"

Ayuma let out a quiet sigh, however her brother answered her questions after this, she would know the truth. It was written all over his face, "Because I know what happens when you listen to him. Did you forget that I have lived this life before, nii-san?"

"I have not yet made my decision."

"Then I will make it for you. Find a different way. If you can find a way to kill Danzo within that way, then all the better."

"Ayuma! That is a Konoha councilman you are speaking of!"

"He is a man that will only bring pain and sorrow to those that encounter him."

"But the coup-"

"Like I said, nii-san, find a different way. I have some ideas if you would like to hear them, but if you follow the path he has set before you, you will only find a life that will break you beyond repair. You will leave a hate in Sasuke like I have never seen before."

Ayuma rolled her head to look up at her brother from her position on the ground beside him, "You are a pacifist, brother, that I know for a fact. Killing the clan will kill parts of you that I wish to see flourish, I would much rather not have to see you suffer through that hell again." She had never seen her brother so unsure of things, but it would most likely make things easier to convince him not to go through with the plans of massacre. She hoped she would be able to help him live a better life this time around.


	5. Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ghost - 6obby is the song for this chapter.

Days passed, weeks passed, and months eventually became a year. 

Everything was going to plan. The clan was safe, Danzo had mysteriously been found dead, his crimes finally exposed to the light, Itachi was happier than she had ever seen him. After the trade deals with the Hyuuga and the Nara had gone through smoothly, the clan felt more comfortable in their standings in Konoha and talks of a coup faded into nothingness. 

Itachi had left the ANBU and Ayuma had quickly stepped up to take his place. For her, it was almost a relief to be able to fall back into her warrior ways once in a while. She didn't truly enjoy killing, but it was a part of her past life that she was comfortable with. She had numbed herself to death long ago. 

Itachi had convinced her to talk to the Hokage, and it had been... interesting. He had wanted to know all the important details, but nothing that could change too much. Whatever that meant. 

She told him most of her story, leaving out pieces here and there to keep some names and faces out of the picture. 

Then she got to the Akatsuki, how many people they had killed, the plans to bring back the moon goddess, how she was killed fighting the fucking personification of the moon. 

The third Hokage hummed, raising a hand to stroke at his chin. It felt like his eyes were staring into her soul. She fidgeted in her seat, uncomfortable under such a stare. She was still young, even if she was in the ANBU. Did he not believe her?

"I see," the Hokage said in a deep, quiet voice, "So, are you here to try and stop some of these things from happening?"

Ayuma nodded once, a determined look coming over her face.

"Good," the nod the third gives is satisfied, "Then I believe I have a mission for you." 

"What?" She was confused now. She came here to inform the Hokage of possible future threats, not to be assigned a mission. 

"I have heard whispers of the Akatsuki resurfacing and causing trouble. If I had known that you were familiar with the group, I would have called you in sooner and given you more time to prepare." It didn't sound like he was giving her much of a choice in accepting the mission. 

"There are multiple factors that play into this that I will expand on further at a later time, but, Ayuma, what I need you to do for the village is to join the Akatsuki and sky from the inside, possibly cause damage internally while you are there."

Ayuma was gaping at this point, her mouth opening and closing a few times before one choked off word finally made it past her lips, "What?"

\-----

Ayuma walked through the village in a daze, thinking about what the Hokage just revealed to her. 

"I have heard whispers of this organization for a while now. No concrete evidence, until you came in here of course, but they have been causing more and more trouble lately that needs to be put to an end sooner rather than later if what you have told me is any indication."

Ayuma shook her head slowly, "Hokage-sama, this organization is not just one that I can walk right in to and join, nor can I get rid of them in a week's time. It will not be quick or easy. Their network is... far more extensive than you might think."

He nodded, "I know. This will not be a short mission, it will most likely take you years to complete. And I also know that you will not be able to just walk up to them and join." The Hokage looked up and met her eyes with a serious stare, "I will need you to do something that you will not like. You will need to kill your ANBU squad."

For the second time in an hour, her mouth dropped open as she stuttered out a, "What?"

"I know it will be difficult, but you must understand that the ninja you are working with are not the ones you think you know so well. They are planning to kidnap Konoha's jinchuriki for their own personal gain. They are enemies of the village and should be treated as such."

Ayuma looked down at her folded hands in her lap. She knew that this mission was important, but could she do this herself? She knew something needed to be done about the Akatsuki, but she never expected to have to join the organization herself to do something about it. 

"Can I tell my brothers? Well, maybe not Sasuke right now, but I need to tell Itachi. He'd figure it out eventually anyways. He knows about... everything. So me just disappearing after killing my squad won't sit well with him."

The Hokage hummed again, his eyes narrowing slightly in throughout before he nodded, "Itachi may know. He might be able to help with the planning." He nodded to himself again, seemingly satisfied with his plans, "Head home, Ayuma, spend time with your family. You will need to begin this mission soon."

Ayuma nodded slowly, pushing herself up numbly from her chair before heading to the exit of the office. 

"And, Ayuma?" She turned her head back to look at the leader of the village she was trying to hard to help protect, "I am sorry to have to put you in this position, but as of right now, you are the best person to fulfill this role."

She nodded again before excusing herself from the office without a word. She closed the door behind her before leaning heavily against the thick wood and letting out a heavy breath. 

Why her?

Why did she let Itachi convince her to talk to the Hokage?

Would she even be able to do anything by joining the Akatsuki?

She had just gotten her family back, why did she have to leave them?

Questions flooded her mind as she stumbled her way out of the Hokage tower.

\-----

She was drawn out of her head as a child slammed into her, knocking the breath out of her as she stumbled back out of the way. A streak of blond hair rushed past her as teachers chased him. 

Naruto. 

A small, sad smile came over her face as she watched the child scamper off into the throng of people around her. She wouldn't get to see him grow up this time. 

As she turned back towards her compound, she told herself that she would make sure that Sasuke and Naruto became friends before she had to leave. They needed each other. Naruto was the sun to Saskue's moon. Hopefully it wouldn't take them so long in this life to realize that. 

She made the trek back home a little less stuck in her head, a little more aware as she watched the village life swirl around her. She would miss this. 

When she finally made it back to her family home (she still couldn't bring herself to call it _her_ home), she pushed the door open, toed her shoes off and stepped inside, sliding the door shut behind her. 

Well, might as well go ahead and get this shit show over with. 

"Itachi!"


	6. Regression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Velvet winter - VELVETEARS
> 
> This is more of a filler chapter before everything starts. Sorry that this has been so Itachi centric so far, but that will change soon. The Akatsuki will be getting involved in the next chapter!
> 
> After that, it will probably be Tobi/Obito focused. Thought about making this a slowburn between them. Let me know what you think?

To say the least, Itachi wasn't happy when she told him what she would have to do, what the Hokage wanted her to do. 

He argued, saying that it was nonsense, that she never should have been put in this position to begin with. 

"I know, Itachi, but if I can help stop even some of the things that I've seen the Akatsuki do, I'm going to. If it was anyone else, you wouldn't be putting up this big of a fuss," she smiled at him softly, "I know you worry about me, you're the oldest and I understand that you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders sometimes, but let me do this, let me take this burden and help keep you safe for once. I've lost you before, nii-san, I can't do that again. It'll be fine, _I'll_ be fine."

"Ayuma..." Itachi shook his head, "I don't want to lose you. What do I tell our parents? What do I tell Sasuke?"

"Tell Sasuke what happened when he's old enough to understand, tell him all I told you. And, Itachi?" She looked up to meet his eyes, "Don't let him forget me, don't let him hate me either. I don't think I could deal with that. As for our parents, I don't care. I haven't gotten permission to tell them anything, so just let them think what they will. You and Sasuke are most important to me, if our parents hate me, then so be it. If they think I'm a criminal, well, I don't really care. The village will be lead to believe that I am a missing-nin, that I am dangerous, so if our parents believe that lie, well, then they didn't know me that well to begin with, did they?" She shrugged.

Ayuma had long ago come to terms with the fact that her parents had a favorite, and that it wasn't her. She never had concrete proof, but she was almost positive that her father was disappointed he even had a daughter and not three sons. 

But it didn't matter.

"Please tell Sasuke when he's old enough. And take care of him. Keep him on the right path. I don't want to come home and find him raging against the world again," she smiled teasingly. She knew that Itachi would take care of their little brother like he always had. 

"I will, Ayuma, I promise. I just wish... I wish you didn't have to do this. I wish I could take your place."

"You've already been a part of this organization, brother," Ayuma had made the decision to not tell her older brother too much about her past life and his own. He knew that he had killed the clan, but he also didn't know what had happened to him afterwards. Ayuma had kept her lips tightly sealed on the subject, and eventually he had given up trying to pry information out of her, "It killed you. I am not allowing that to happen again. Like I said, let someone else protect you for once in your life. After last time..." she sighed and looked down at her lap again, "You deserve to live a normal life, nii-san. Back before I was taken here, you did everything for the good of the village, for the good of me and Sasuke. Let me take the burden this time. I have had a childhood. I grew up in the protection of a village already. This is my burden and mine alone. Let me bear it."

"Believe me when I say I don't want to do this. I wish I could stay here. I want to stay with you and Sasuke. I want to grow up with both of you..." a determined look hardened her face, "But I also want Sasuke to grow up safe. I want Konoha to stay intact. I want to be able to help more than I was able to last time. I want a better world. By doing this... I can help. I can keep my precious people safe. That's why I will do this. To keep you safe, to keep Sasuke safe, to keep my old team safe, to keep my friends safe, to keep the village and all the people in it that I love safe."

"But what about you? You're joining an organization of criminals, becoming one yourself, leaving all you've ever known behind."

Ayuma smiled softly, "Brother, you often seem to forget that I know war better than anyone in this world," the smile slipped off her face, "I know blood and death and bodies piling so high that they block out the sun. I know what happens when the Akatsuki is left to its own devices. I can't let that happen again," her eyes took on a distant look that Itachi had become intimately familiar with when she got lost in the thoughts of her past, "There are people there that I need to try and help as well, good people that have lost themselves to darkness and hatred. I need to see if I can bring them to the light. I need to at least try."

She sighed and laced her fingers together, looking back up at her older brother, "I know this is not an idea situation, but I need to do this, for multiple reasons."

Itachi looked defeated, but only nodded before he leaned forward and drew her into a tight hug. She knew it would hurt him, already was hurting him, but it had to be worth it to keep him safe, to keep her family, friends, and village safe.

It had to be. That was the only way for her to keep going. It had to be worth it. The pay off in the end would be worth it. 

She wrapped her arms around Itachi tightly, hiding her face in his shoulder as she squeezed her eyes shut. 

It would be painful, she knew it would be. But it would also be worth it. To keep her precious people safe, she knew she would do anything, could endure all the pain in the world all at once if it meant everyone was safe from the largest threat she had ever faced. 

"Make sure Sasuke is happy, please," she mumbled into Itachi's shoulder, "Make sure he and Naruto become friends. It'll be good for him in the long run, I promise. It'll get him out of his head. He gets stuck there a lot," she pulled back again, only far enough to look her brother in the eyes, her arms still around him, "I have so much I need to tell you before I go, so much to watch out for just in case I can't stop it all. I'll write down anything I can remember, the big things and ways to stop them that worked in the past."

"Ayuma," Itachi smiled gently, "We'll be fine. I'll protect the people here. The Hokage knows. If something happens, I'm sure you'll hear, and if you really need to come back... Well, we'll figure out a way to communicate in emergencies. It'll be okay. I'll protect everyone here in your stead. If you want to write down major things for your own peace of mind, I won't protest, but I will ask you to trust me to protect the things I love, too," he paused, taking in a breath before continuing, "I am trusting you to be safe where you are going, to do your best to come back to us as soon as you can, so the least you can do is trust me to take care of things on this side."

Ayuma nodded slowly, "I am still going to write things down, just in case..."

Itachi nodded in return, "Before then, would you like to go find Sasuke and spend some time with him? He was asking after you the other day."

"Of course," Ayuma smiled softly, pulling slowly out of Itachi's embrace and standing up. She would miss this. She would miss her family and friends. She would miss the comfort of her family home that she had slowly gotten used to. She would miss the safety she felt around her brother, the way she was able to let herself relax and just laugh like she used to before everything went to shit.

But it would be worth it. 

It had to be.


End file.
